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Post by steve201 on Apr 3, 2012 20:58:53 GMT -5
A man was driving down the road and ran out of gas. Just at that moment, a bee flew in his window.
The bee said, 'What seems to be the problem?'
'I'm out of gas,' the man replied.
The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his gas tank. After a few minutes, the bees flew out.
'Try it now,' said one bee.
The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up. 'Wow!' the man exclaimed, 'what did you put in my gas tank'?
The bee answered,
Wait for it.wait for it..
You're just gonna love this..
BEE PEE.....
I see you smiling
Steve
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Post by steve201 on Apr 19, 2012 9:41:03 GMT -5
Two Dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two 'Working Girls' and take them to their separate hotel rooms for an hour of pleasure. The first Dwarf, however, is unable to get an erection. His depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears his friend shouting out cries of .."Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE.... UGH!" "Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE.... UGH! " "Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE .. UGH! " This goes on for the whole HOUR. Later back at the bar, the second Dwarf asks the first, "How did it go?" The first mutters, "It was embarrassing. I just couldn't get an erection. The second Dwarf shook his head. "You think that's embarrassing? I couldn't get on the danged bed."
Steve
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Post by steve201 on May 6, 2012 18:53:37 GMT -5
Two blonde girls were working for the city public works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind her and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one girl digging a hole, the other girl filling it in again. An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing..
So he asked the hole digger, 'I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting in to your work, but I don't get it -- why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?'
The hole digger wiped her brow and sighed, 'Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team. But today the girl who plants the trees called in sick.
Steve
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Post by steve201 on Jun 2, 2012 11:27:36 GMT -5
*A man and woman were having a quiet, romantic dinner in a fine restaurant. They were gazing lovingly at each other and holding hands. *Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly noticed the man slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, but the woman acted unconcerned. *The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the woman appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware her dining companion had disappeared. *The waitress went over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table." *The woman calmly looked up at her and said, "No, he didn't. He just walked in the door."
Steve
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Post by steve201 on Jun 2, 2012 11:29:43 GMT -5
Several days ago as I left a meeting at a hotel; I desperately gave myself a personal TSA pat down. I was looking for my keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing. Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot. My wife has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. Her theory is that the car will be stolen. As I burst through the door, I came to a terrifying conclusion. Her theory was right. The parking lot was empty. I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen. Then I made the most difficult call of all, "Honey," I stammered; I alwayscall her "honey" in times like these. "I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen." There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard her voice. "Idiot", she barked, "I dropped you off!" Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me." She retorted, "I will, as soon as I convince this policeman I have not stolen your car." Yep it's the golden years."
Steve
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Post by steve201 on Jul 24, 2012 14:58:45 GMT -5
took me awhile to find it..but here it is!! Steve ===========================================================
I have 2 dogs & I was buying a large bag of Pal Dog Food at WalMart and standing in line at the check out.
No kidding, a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Pal Diet again, Although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Pal nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.
Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned. I told her no; it was because I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.
I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.
Stupid b----, why else would I buy dog food??
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Post by steve201 on Jul 30, 2012 9:04:26 GMT -5
A woman went into a bar in Texas and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He had the biggest feet she’d ever seen. The woman asked the cowboy if it’s true what they say about men with big feet. The cowboy grinned and said, “Sure is, little lady! Why don’t you come on out to the bunk house and let me prove it to you!” The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him. The next morning she handed him a $100 bill. Blushing, he said, “Well, thank ya Ma’am. I’m real flattered. Aitn’t nobody ever paid me fer mah services before. The woman replied, “Don’t be flattered. Take the money and buy yourself some boots that fit.”
Steve
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