Post by steve201 on Jun 15, 2010 16:59:53 GMT -5
The history of mankind in brief (or) Where it all went wrong
The other day I was having a discussion with my buddy and his wife. As discussions like this often go, it became yet another skirmish in the war between the sexes. Kate looked me in the eye and with a self-satisfied smirk said “Well if it wasn’t for women, men would still be living in CAVES!”
When you’re right you’re right. Credit where credit is due. Kate was right. If it wasn’t for women, men WOULD still be living in caves.
I mean really, let’s look at it dispassionately.
However many bajillion years ago men and women lived in caves, a natural shelter from wind, rain and the other ravages of weather. They lived in large family groupings, raising their young and helping one another out, sharing the load and both working and protecting in turn. From each according to ability, to each according to need. Men did what they do best, they hunted and they fished. Women did the gathering. Men set out daily with clubs and spears to see waht they could hunt down or trap to feed the family, they hunted and fished all day and wandered home at night to share what they had gotten. The women went out and walked around gabbing and gossiping while they looked around and selected juicy berries and roots for all manner of uses.
So it went on, for centuries this order of things was the standard. The men hunted and fished, the women gathered. It worked, everyone was happy.
Then it happened. Shirley was peeling some kind of vegetable in the cave one day, and Ralph came home with the other guys, they had just killed a mastodon. Ralph and the guys were all carrying chunks of meat and had the skin rolled up and shoulered between them. Shirley was cold, and she had been trying to gather roots all day and her feet hurt. The wind was blowing into the cave and the rain was bothering her. She looked at the mastodon skin and a light went off in her head.
“Hey Ralph” she said “Could you hang that skin up in the door of the cave? I’ll bet it would really cut down the wind and rain blowing in”
Ralph looked at it, and even though he was tired from Mastodon hunting (I mean really, it can’t have been all that easy, those things were BIG), being a nice guy he thought he’d do Shirley a favour, and climbed up the rocks and hung up the mastodon skin. Little did he know that when he did that he doomed all future generations of men to the slavery we now live. If ralph had only said “no” at that moment we would all be happy. But that’s not how it all happened. Ralph climbed up and hung that skin, Shirley was happy....for the moment.
A month or so later Ralph wanted to get a little “Romantic” with Shirley. Generally this wasn’t much of a problem once he had washed the mastodon blood off himself. This particular night, however, when Ralph got all snuggled up to Shirley she said “You know Ralph… I’d feel a LOT more romantic if we had some privacy” She indicated the other families that lived in the cave, parents and granparents etc. He looked from them back to Shirley who batted her eyelashes coyly. He sighed and began to figure out just how many more mastodon skins he’d need to hang them all around their sleeping area. The next day off he went to get some more skins, just so he might get laid.
While all of this went on, the women still went out and walked around gabbing and gossiping while they looked around and selected juicy berries and roots for all manner of uses.
It skyrocketed from there, Ralph and Shirley got skins around their sleeping area. Once Wilma saw that SHE wanted them too, and off Fred went to get some skins. Before long all the guys did was go hunting to get skins so they could close off their areas and possibly get laid.
It wasn’t long before Shirley wheedled Ralph that if they took all those skins OUTSIDE and put them up they would have even more privacy… Now Ralph didn’t know why privacy was so goddamned important, he rather liked being able to romp about with his buddies in the cave, and to call out to them, have impromptu belching and farting contests, and to generally have a good time being guys. NOW Shirley wanted him to take the skins outside, put them on sticks and actually live in it. However… the choice was not getting laid… so obviously out they went.
While all of this went on, the women still went out and walked around gabbing and gossiping while they looked around and selected juicy berries and roots for all manner of uses.
Predictably, not to be outdone all the other women wanted THEIR own spaces too…
So before long the cave sat empty and skin tents populated the world, animals were driven to extinction to provide skins, and men lost their communal culture. As a matter of fact men began actually working for one another to provide the amenities that their women demanded… because they just wanted to get laid.
And…
While all of this went on, the women still went out and walked around gabbing and gossiping while they looked around and selected juicy berries and roots for all manner of uses.
Fast forward to today
Men go out to work every day, WHY?? To provide a place for their women to live… because if they didn’t? you got it, they wouldn’t get laid. It used to be that they went out every day to hunt and fish, enjoy being together and generally have a good time. There were no wars because all of the aggression was taken out in the hunt. Everyone could have a good time together and go home afterward. Today we spend all week making money so we can pay for the house. If we hunt or fish even the most lucky of us gets to do it on weekends, and only if our buddies can get time off work will we do it as a group.
However…
While all of this goes on, the women still go out and walk around gabbing and gossiping while they look around and select various articles of clothing and decorative items for all manner of uses.
Men no longer get to hunt and fish, but women STILL get to shop.
In conclusion, I need to say this:
Yes, if it weren’t for women men would still be living in caves, hell, it makes sense! By now we’d have big screen TVs and barcloungers in those caves, and 4X4s parked outside. We’d still have graphite fishing rods and beer and football, but the caves would still be there because like everything else listed, they make sense.
The trouble is, eventually someone would want to get laid…
;D ;D ;D
Steve
The other day I was having a discussion with my buddy and his wife. As discussions like this often go, it became yet another skirmish in the war between the sexes. Kate looked me in the eye and with a self-satisfied smirk said “Well if it wasn’t for women, men would still be living in CAVES!”
When you’re right you’re right. Credit where credit is due. Kate was right. If it wasn’t for women, men WOULD still be living in caves.
I mean really, let’s look at it dispassionately.
However many bajillion years ago men and women lived in caves, a natural shelter from wind, rain and the other ravages of weather. They lived in large family groupings, raising their young and helping one another out, sharing the load and both working and protecting in turn. From each according to ability, to each according to need. Men did what they do best, they hunted and they fished. Women did the gathering. Men set out daily with clubs and spears to see waht they could hunt down or trap to feed the family, they hunted and fished all day and wandered home at night to share what they had gotten. The women went out and walked around gabbing and gossiping while they looked around and selected juicy berries and roots for all manner of uses.
So it went on, for centuries this order of things was the standard. The men hunted and fished, the women gathered. It worked, everyone was happy.
Then it happened. Shirley was peeling some kind of vegetable in the cave one day, and Ralph came home with the other guys, they had just killed a mastodon. Ralph and the guys were all carrying chunks of meat and had the skin rolled up and shoulered between them. Shirley was cold, and she had been trying to gather roots all day and her feet hurt. The wind was blowing into the cave and the rain was bothering her. She looked at the mastodon skin and a light went off in her head.
“Hey Ralph” she said “Could you hang that skin up in the door of the cave? I’ll bet it would really cut down the wind and rain blowing in”
Ralph looked at it, and even though he was tired from Mastodon hunting (I mean really, it can’t have been all that easy, those things were BIG), being a nice guy he thought he’d do Shirley a favour, and climbed up the rocks and hung up the mastodon skin. Little did he know that when he did that he doomed all future generations of men to the slavery we now live. If ralph had only said “no” at that moment we would all be happy. But that’s not how it all happened. Ralph climbed up and hung that skin, Shirley was happy....for the moment.
A month or so later Ralph wanted to get a little “Romantic” with Shirley. Generally this wasn’t much of a problem once he had washed the mastodon blood off himself. This particular night, however, when Ralph got all snuggled up to Shirley she said “You know Ralph… I’d feel a LOT more romantic if we had some privacy” She indicated the other families that lived in the cave, parents and granparents etc. He looked from them back to Shirley who batted her eyelashes coyly. He sighed and began to figure out just how many more mastodon skins he’d need to hang them all around their sleeping area. The next day off he went to get some more skins, just so he might get laid.
While all of this went on, the women still went out and walked around gabbing and gossiping while they looked around and selected juicy berries and roots for all manner of uses.
It skyrocketed from there, Ralph and Shirley got skins around their sleeping area. Once Wilma saw that SHE wanted them too, and off Fred went to get some skins. Before long all the guys did was go hunting to get skins so they could close off their areas and possibly get laid.
It wasn’t long before Shirley wheedled Ralph that if they took all those skins OUTSIDE and put them up they would have even more privacy… Now Ralph didn’t know why privacy was so goddamned important, he rather liked being able to romp about with his buddies in the cave, and to call out to them, have impromptu belching and farting contests, and to generally have a good time being guys. NOW Shirley wanted him to take the skins outside, put them on sticks and actually live in it. However… the choice was not getting laid… so obviously out they went.
While all of this went on, the women still went out and walked around gabbing and gossiping while they looked around and selected juicy berries and roots for all manner of uses.
Predictably, not to be outdone all the other women wanted THEIR own spaces too…
So before long the cave sat empty and skin tents populated the world, animals were driven to extinction to provide skins, and men lost their communal culture. As a matter of fact men began actually working for one another to provide the amenities that their women demanded… because they just wanted to get laid.
And…
While all of this went on, the women still went out and walked around gabbing and gossiping while they looked around and selected juicy berries and roots for all manner of uses.
Fast forward to today
Men go out to work every day, WHY?? To provide a place for their women to live… because if they didn’t? you got it, they wouldn’t get laid. It used to be that they went out every day to hunt and fish, enjoy being together and generally have a good time. There were no wars because all of the aggression was taken out in the hunt. Everyone could have a good time together and go home afterward. Today we spend all week making money so we can pay for the house. If we hunt or fish even the most lucky of us gets to do it on weekends, and only if our buddies can get time off work will we do it as a group.
However…
While all of this goes on, the women still go out and walk around gabbing and gossiping while they look around and select various articles of clothing and decorative items for all manner of uses.
Men no longer get to hunt and fish, but women STILL get to shop.
In conclusion, I need to say this:
Yes, if it weren’t for women men would still be living in caves, hell, it makes sense! By now we’d have big screen TVs and barcloungers in those caves, and 4X4s parked outside. We’d still have graphite fishing rods and beer and football, but the caves would still be there because like everything else listed, they make sense.
The trouble is, eventually someone would want to get laid…
;D ;D ;D
Steve